Last weekend I made the trip to Columbus, Ohio to go to the Arnold Schwartzenager Bodybuilding Classic and Sports Fest.  Though this breaks my rule of traveling north in the winter it was well worth it as several of my friends were fighting in the Gracie Ju Jitsu Championships.

A large group from the gym went up Thursday night.  Chris, Thomasina, and myself decided to go up late Friday/early Saturday.  I arrived at their place Friday at 10 with the intention of getting a few hours sleep and charging up my camera.  I knew the weekend was going to go well when I couldn't find my battery charger.  I went home and even went back by the gym looking for it.  When I couldn't find it I even went to Wal-Mart with the slim hope of finding a replacement (there apparently isn't anywhere locally that has chargers for lithium-ion batteries).  It turned out top be in the one side pocket of my camera bag that I didn't look in.  Chris and Thom have a mirror in the hall right as you leave their bathroom.  I didn't know this and nearly freaked out when I came out of the bathroom and realized I was looking at myself without being on ether, this was the first of many times I would wake Thom and Chris up over the course of the weekend.  I finally got to sleep around midnight with an estimated time of departure at around 4 in the AM.  At some point in the night Thom said she heard noises coming from me, and I was sleeping two rooms away, that led her to believe that I may be demon possessed.

At 4 in the AM we hit the road.  We stopped at the local Exxon to get some coffee.  I noticed that my worthless brother in law was running around the store all methed up so I sat in the car.  At 4:15 we made a U turn to go get Chris's cell phone.  After I finished of my coffee I decided to nap for a while (strange I knopw but no matter how much caffiene I have I can always sleep on the road.  While I was sleeping Thom literally crawled over me to get the camcorder out of her luggage.  I never even noticed.  She even filmed me sleeping(I'll try to get this footage on www.thepat.org  .  Chris decided that it would be fun to pretend we were wrecking to wake me up.  This only causeed me to ahve a brief moment of clarity to flip him off and go back to sleep.

We stopped somewhere in Kentucky for gas about 8 in the AM.  I decided that the lease on my coffee was up so I went to return it.  Unfortunately there seemed to be some oral sex between two men going on in the gas stations bathroom and I didn't want to interupt the pole smoking so I decided to wait til we stopped for breakfast.  We got some McShit to eat a couple of exits later and I'm happy to report that the bathroom there was gay loving free.

The rest of the trip up was fairly without incident until we hit Columbus itself.  We had a hell of a time trying to find parking and managed to park about as far from where we needed to be as possible.  When we made it to the expo center I had to return the food.  I found the nearest restroom and proceeded to make it smell even worse.  Chris came in and nearly gagged from the foul stench that I was producing.  Thom heard my cries of anguish a rest room over.  After I recovered and my sphincter was no longer dialated we learned that the place we needed to be was a few blocks away.

Stay tuned for part two.